For generations, literary critics have sought to decode them.

And now, at last, the mystery has been solved.

One hundred and fifty four years after the publication of Moby-Dick, tattoologists from The Tattered Coat have succeeded in translating pictograms that Melville described as “the work of a departed prophet and seer . . . who, by those hieroglyphic marks, had written out on [Queequeg’s] body a complete theory of the heavens and the earth, and a mystical treatise on the art of attaining truth.”

A major discovery that could lead to an end to poverty, the spiritual enlightenment of millions, and peace in our time, this literary Rosetta stone has finally been cracked.

Click here to continue.

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Letter From the Editor

Taking inspiration from TimesSelect, today tatteredcoat.com launched a new subscription service, TatteredSelect, an important step in the development of The Tattered Coat.

Subscribers to TatteredSelect have exclusive online access to many of our most influential posts in exciting categories such as Caption This Photo, Cat Blogging, Friday Random Ten, and Parse This™. In addition to reading our stimulating prose, TatteredSelect subscribers can stimulate themselves and others through comments and Tattered Talk™.

All of our inane ramblings, ostentatious wordplay, and hokey humor will remain free to readers of tatteredcoat.com, as will our doctored graphics, hotlinks, and popular colorized-photo contests.

As part of TatteredSelect, The Tattered Coat is also opening up its paltry archive of articles reaching back eight months and eventually back to the blog’s founding in November 2004. TatteredSelect subscribers are also welcome to read the author’s dissertation drafts, provided they have sufficient quantities of Maalox and codeine on hand.

For almost a year our readers have asked for seamless access to The Tattered Coat’s historical archives; sadly we will not make this available as part of TatteredSelect, because yesterday’s news can already be found on website of The New York Times, provided readers are “Haves.” The “Have-Nots” can find all the historical information they need on McDonald’s souvenir cups, Cracker Barrel candy boxes, and Bazooka Joe gum wrappers.

TatteredSelect subscribers can also benefit from several online services. Readers can avoid work by striving to comment on each and every Tattered Coat post. Recent Comments is a powerful alert service that keeps readers abreast of the latest comments on the blog. Live blogging of important events such as Eagles games and the Oscars will keep busy readers up-to-date.

TatteredSelect costs $49.995 and will be free for RSS subscribers to the blog.

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