Via TRR:

You know, Mayor Street, there’s another scent that carries pretty far. It’s called bullshit, and you reek of it, dude.

So, you don’t like Michael Nutter, who wants your job. You don’t want to hand him a political victory that he can use in his campaign.

Fine. We get it.

Just don’t treat us like chumps in the process. ‘Cause that freaking stinks.

Share This

On the heels of the Philadelphia City Council’s new bill banning smoking in public workplaces, including bars and restaurants, people are freaking out. The percentage of Philly voters who identify themselves as libertarians has just increased tenfold.

My message to this prematurely wrinkled, scratchy-voiced contingent of would-be cons and wishful femme-fatales is simple: relax, people.

I left New York before the smoking ban took effect there, though I have returned since as both a smoker and a non-smoker. The truth is that once you get used to the idea, you hardly notice the ban: the smokers still smoke, only after taking fifteen steps out the door. The non-smokers still don’t smoke; they just smell better afterwards.

Despite my approval of the smoking ban, I do concede that some establishments lose an essential part of their identity when the clouds of smoke lift. One of my favorite bars in New York, for instance, Jimmy’s Corner — a midtown dive bar that is a haven for cast-outs from the boxing world — was never the same after the ban. It just felt too clean.

Philadelphia’s new law exempts “neighborhood bars” — defined as establishments that make more than 90% of their income from the sale of alcohol — from the ban. This, I think, is a great compromise — the places that make Philly the dirty town that it is will not lose their atmosphere. And while we’re sure to see a host of creative accounting changes in response to the law (burgers on the house!), it sounds like most bars in Philly will now be smoke-free.

The change will be painful for a lot of people. But, in the end, you’ve got to admit that a collection of over 4,000 chemicals, rolled up and sold to you by a group of unscrupulous crooks, is not worthy of your mournful tears.

Just huff some nicotine nasal spray along with me and we’ll all be fine.

UPDATE: My understanding is that “neighborhood bar” is defined by the percentage of money the bar makes on food vs. alcohol. At least ninety percent of the income has to come from alcohol for a bar to be exempt from the new regulations.

In fact, I think that the free burgers mentioned above might be one of the biggest, though most unintentional, effects of the law. I think we’ll see a fair number of bars stop selling food — or start giving it away for free — so that they can meet the exemption.

One thing they might do, if they want to keep smoking, is to offer lots of specials — like, “buy a beer for eight dollars and get a free burger and fries along with it!”

Share This

Quitting smoking has become something of a side job for me: over the past seven years, I’ve quit many, many times. Through hard work and perseverance, I’ve also relapsed many, many times. These experiences have made me something of an expert in the field.

I’m three weeks into another quit, and I’m feeling pretty good. This is how I’ve gotten here this time:

1. I’ve never stopped trying to quit.
While I’m disgusted with myself for my repeated failures to quit, I’ve never stopped trying.

2. I’m enrolled in a Quit Smoking program.
Multi-layered support is essential to any tobacco cessation effort. The program I’m involved in now, Jefferson’s Tobacco Intervention Program, emphasizes a team approach that includes visits with a pulmonologist and counseling with a psychologist. Your health insurance may cover a portion of your costs.

3. I’ve tried almost every nicotine replacement product on the market.
I know that some people quit once and never look back. I hate them. In my experience, using nicotine replacement therapy works (until, um, it doesn’t because you’ve relapsed). But that leads me to point number 4.

4. Nicotrol’s Nicotine Nasal Spray is da BOMB!
I’m not kidding with you here. This stuff is wild. Instead of wearing a patch, which slowly infuses nicotine through your skin, or chewing that peppery gum, which tastes like crap, I opted for the spray (available by prescription), which makes a bee-line for your brain and lights it on fire.
It’s like heroin, except it’s legal and it won’t make you skinny. Sure, you’ll look a little funny when you squirt it up your nose in public; and as your eyes roll back into your head and your eyelids begin to flutter, people may stare. Let them. You’re just getting your fix, baby! Live the dream!

5. Treat Yourself Right
You’re denying yourself cigarettes, right? So don’t deny yourself anything else! While quitting smoking can definitely be part of a larger lifestyle overhaul, it’s better to tackle these things one at a time. This is not the time to try to lose weight. Eat what you want, buy what you want, do what you want. Make yourself feel good, because you’re going to be feeling pretty bad.

6. Plan Ahead
If you’re going to be in a situation in which you know you’ll be tempted, either avoid it or bring things to keep you occupied. I love playing poker, and often do so with friends. But I used to chain-smoke while playing, and a few of the guys I play with still smoke. The last time I played, they placed their packs of smokes and lighters on the table next to their chips. I set down my nicotine nasal spray, a pack of Dentyne Fire, and a tin of Ginger Altoids
(which, I must note, are also da bomb). When the other players saw that lineup of strongly flavored, manly products, they quaked in fear.

Plus, tell me there isn’t a better bluff than placing a huge bet, leaning back in your chair, prying open a tin of Altoids and placing an altoid on your tongue. For added effect, proffer the open tin to the other players and ask, “Would anyone like a mint?”

7. You Cannot Have “Just One.”
Look, if you’ve quit, and you’re tempted to smoke, don’t delude yourself into thinking that you’ll be satisfied with “just one” smoke. The entire premise of an addictive drug is that it will always make you want to have one more hit. Either commit to going back to smoking full time, or take a hit of nasal spray and experience nirvana on earth. It’s your choice.

8. Take lots of showers
Now that I’ve quit smoking, I smell like a field of daisies. And who among us doesn’t want to smell like a field of daisies?

9. When In Doubt, Look At These Nasty Pictures.
This could be you:
http://sms.sd23.bc.ca/pe9/jennadindex.htm
http://www.smokinglungs.com/cyber-gallery/grosspathology/index.htm
http://www.tobacco-facts.info/
http://www.presmark.com/htmlfile/pictures.htm

10. If You Screw Up, Forgive Yourself and Give It Another Shot.
Don’t beat yourself up about it, and certainly don’t give up. So, you messed up. What’s new? Everybody goes down for the count at one time or another; what matters is how quickly you can bounce back off of the mat.

Update: Check out the Cost of Smoking Calculator

Share This