Shame on me for not plugging my entry in Philadelphia Citypaper’s wonderful Culture Shock column a few weeks ago.

The editors asked me to write about “something that you’re into these days.” Here’s what I chose:

If this piques your interest, check out the website, and order the book on Amazon.

I’m planning to interview the author — who is a friend of mine — in the near future.

Share This

Letter From the Editor

Taking inspiration from TimesSelect, today tatteredcoat.com launched a new subscription service, TatteredSelect, an important step in the development of The Tattered Coat.

Subscribers to TatteredSelect have exclusive online access to many of our most influential posts in exciting categories such as Caption This Photo, Cat Blogging, Friday Random Ten, and Parse This™. In addition to reading our stimulating prose, TatteredSelect subscribers can stimulate themselves and others through comments and Tattered Talk™.

All of our inane ramblings, ostentatious wordplay, and hokey humor will remain free to readers of tatteredcoat.com, as will our doctored graphics, hotlinks, and popular colorized-photo contests.

As part of TatteredSelect, The Tattered Coat is also opening up its paltry archive of articles reaching back eight months and eventually back to the blog’s founding in November 2004. TatteredSelect subscribers are also welcome to read the author’s dissertation drafts, provided they have sufficient quantities of Maalox and codeine on hand.

For almost a year our readers have asked for seamless access to The Tattered Coat’s historical archives; sadly we will not make this available as part of TatteredSelect, because yesterday’s news can already be found on website of The New York Times, provided readers are “Haves.” The “Have-Nots” can find all the historical information they need on McDonald’s souvenir cups, Cracker Barrel candy boxes, and Bazooka Joe gum wrappers.

TatteredSelect subscribers can also benefit from several online services. Readers can avoid work by striving to comment on each and every Tattered Coat post. Recent Comments is a powerful alert service that keeps readers abreast of the latest comments on the blog. Live blogging of important events such as Eagles games and the Oscars will keep busy readers up-to-date.

TatteredSelect costs $49.995 and will be free for RSS subscribers to the blog.

Share This

A few weeks ago, voter-disenfranchisement expert Katherine Harris accused the press of “colorizing” her photos. Many readers of The Tattered Coat found these charges baseless. Not wanting Ms. Harris to sound like a crackpot conspiracy theorist, they set to work on some colorized photos in an effort to prove that her statements had some merit.

The submissions have been tallied by our team of curators, and it’s time to let readers have their say. You can vote only once, so please make your selection carefully. I promise you that no votes will be scrubbed in this election.

As British novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton once said, “There is nothing so agonizing to the fine skin of vanity as the application of a rough truth.”

Thanks to everyone who contributed. Voting begins below the fold.

Links to author names lead, in most cases, to larger versions of the photos, though a few lead to author homepages.

To vote for a photo, select the button directly above it, and click “Vote” at the bottom of the post.

Share This

The Poor Man Cafe points us to The World Beard and Moustache Championships, which will take place in Berlin after a two-year hiatus.

From the website:

President Bush, always ready to demonstrate his patriotism on a public stage, quickly made a recess appointment to ensure that the U.S. would be well-represented in the contest:

Because, you know, nothing says “Suproops the Trops” like some finely groomed facial hair.

Share This

Voter disenfranchisement expert Katherine Harris complained today that newspapers have artificially “colorized” photographs of her, thus damaging her public image:

Sounds like an invitation to me.

So I’m proud to announce The First Annual Katherine Harris Colorized Photo Contest. Submit your photoshopped efforts in the comments, or by email, and I’ll highlight the best ones in a subsequent post.

Because if anyone in the world deserves a painful blow to her vanity, it’s Katherine Harris.

Let the games begin.

Update: Here is the contest

Share This

Los Angeles — Fox unveiled its much-anticipated new reality show, You Be The Judge!, to widespread acclaim on Tuesday.

Fox executives are hopeful that the show, which follows Guantanamo prisoners from capture on the streets of Baghdad to trial in military courtrooms, will be a hit in its fall lineup.

Controversy has surrounded the tribunals used to judge contestants. Following court testimony, celebrity judges such as Lance Ito, Pauley Shore, Simon Cowell, and Jessica Simpson critique each contestant’s performance. But the final say over innocence and guilt belongs to viewers, who call or text-message their votes for an hour after each broadcast.

Civil rights groups such as the ACLU have objected to the show, arguing that it caters to the worst instincts of the viewing public. “It’s a twenty-first century lynch-job,” said one lawyer with the union.

But Fox executives defended their voting system, arguing that, in contrast to rigged U.S. military tribunals, You Be the Judge! was more than fair. “We are putting the power of democracy back into the hands of the American public,” said the executive.

A source close to the Bush administration voiced concern that such a system might allow dangerous terrorists to go free, but Fox executives were quick to reassure them that viewers familiar with Fox News would find defendants guilty, even if no compelling evidence of guilt was presented during court proceedings.

“Besides,” said the Fox executive, “we have sought advice from the Bush administration on how to influence elections, and have no doubt that the American people will make the right choice.”

You Be the Judge! will air Thursday nights at 9pm on most Fox affiliates.

Share This

The Pottery Barn is currently promoting a new “Plantation Collection” of furniture. From the catalogue:

Ah, those were the days. The days when darkies brought us our drinks, washed our clothes, and harvested our crops. The days when the white man held proper dominion over the black-skinned races of the world.

And the furniture! Let me tell you. . .

Our new settee evokes the relaxed pace of life in the tropics. Crafted with a solid mahogany frame, it has turned feet and curved sides that give it a shapely profile. The sides are inset with bird’s-eye cane that is double walled for strength. Finish is applied by hand in many layers to create richness and depth. For extra comfort, top the settee with our thick cushion, which has a flax-colored linen cover that zips off for machine washing.

Life was easy back then. We were so relaxed. I speak of the colonists, of course. The slaves? Not so much. Why, I remember one night, a slave put down his pitchfork during planting season to take a rest.

I put that bird’s-eye cane on his back until it bled bright red, and left him for dead in the fields. One has to set a tone among the savages — give them an inch, and they’ll take an ell.

Thankfully, such exertions, on my part, were rare — the slaves obeyed commands most of the time, leaving me to luxuriate on my flax-colored linen cushions.

Those were the days . . .

(hat tips to C.H. and N.B. on my department’s American Studies listserve)

Update (7/31/06): It appears that Pottery Barn has changed the name of the collection — it’s now called the “Montego Furniture Collection.” Interesting . . .

Share This