Celebrity and Celebrities
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08.01.06
At first I thought this whole thing had to do with cars. But now, I see quite clearly that we’re dealing with a train wreck.
Below, you’ll find quotes from Mel Gibson’s second apology, followed by what I think he was really saying:
There is no excuse, nor should there be any tolerance, for anyone who thinks or expresses any kind of anti-Semitic remark. I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish community for the vitriolic and harmful words that I said to a law enforcement officer the night I was arrested on a DUI charge.
Since there should be no tolerance for anyone who “thinks or expresses any kind of anti-Semitic remark,” I should not be tolerated. Um, hold on a sec . . . get me rewrite! (damn! anyone know where I can find a non-Jewish writer in this town?)
Look, I’m asking the Jewish community to forgive me, since its members have obviously orchestrated this public-relations disaster. They run Hollywood, you know. And the global economy. That’s why they start all the wars. I’m pretty sure that’s why they killed Jesus and exaggerated the Holocaust, too.
Read the rest of this entry »
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07.31.06
As a blogger, I often feel obliged to comment upon the news of the day. A combination of work and a mild case of blog depression has kept me from that self-appointed task as of late.
But there are times when an event cuts through the haze of disaffection and demands comment — an event that brings startling clarity of expression to what has before been only implied or insinuated. At such times, the blogger must not remain silent.
I speak, of course, of the sweet words of affection that Mel Gibson allegedly addressed to the police officers who arrested him for driving under the influence of alcohol on Friday night. I do not doubt that those words fell from his lips with a deep sense of conviction, a profound feeling of passion, and a tequila-hued string of drool.
I have no commentary of particular worth to add to this tawdry episode. I can only say that Atrios nailed it: one needn’t have been a sexist pig suddenly given the power to read people’s minds to know that this cesspool lay just beneath Gibson’s tanned veneer.
No, the purpose of this post is simple — I wish to contribute, to the extent to which this blog may, to the enduring public humiliation of Mel Gibson:
Gibson became agitated after he was stopped on Pacific Coast Highway and told he was to be detained for drunk driving Friday morning in Malibu. The actor began swearing uncontrollably. Gibson repeatedly said, “My life is f****d.” Law enforcement sources say the deputy, worried that Gibson might become violent, told the actor that he was supposed to cuff him but would not, as long as Gibson cooperated. As the two stood next to the hood of the patrol car, the deputy asked Gibson to get inside. Deputy Mee then walked over to the passenger door and opened it. The report says Gibson then said, “I’m not going to get in your car,” and bolted to his car. The deputy quickly subdued Gibson, cuffed him and put him inside the patrol car.
TMZ has learned that Deputy Mee audiotaped the entire exchange between himself and Gibson, from the time of the traffic stop to the time Gibson was put in the patrol car, and that the tape fully corroborates the written report.
Once inside the car, a source directly connected with the case says Gibson began banging himself against the seat. The report says Gibson told the deputy, “You mother f****r. I’m going to f*** you.” The report also says “Gibson almost continually [sic] threatened me saying he ‘owns Malibu’ and will spend all of his money to ‘get even’ with me.”
The report says Gibson then launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic statements: “F*****g Jews… The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.” Gibson then asked the deputy, “Are you a Jew?”
The deputy became alarmed as Gibson’s tirade escalated, and called ahead for a sergeant to meet them when they arrived at the station. When they arrived, a sergeant began videotaping Gibson, who noticed the camera and then said, “What the f*** do you think you’re doing?”
A law enforcement source says Gibson then noticed another female sergeant and yelled, “What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?”
The answer to that question, I think, is no longer in doubt.
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07.27.06
You may have heard that Bob Dylan has been hosting a show on satellite radio. But you may not have heard it, because you don’t have satellite radio. Redemption is now at hand: visit White Man Stew to download archived versions of the show, which is organized around themes such as “Weather,” “Drinking,” “Baseball,” “Coffee,” “Jail,” and “Divorce” (via Philebrity Reader).
Once you’ve heard Bob Dylan introduce music by Lonnie the Cat, Blur, and L.L. Cool J, you won’t look back.
Here’s a sample mp3: Staple Singers, “Uncloudy Day” (with Dylan intro)
Dan Rubin asks why the left has been silent on the conflict in the Middle East.
I’ve said my piece about the war here and here, and I’ll say more about it when I have more to say. Plenty of liberal bloggers on my blogroll have been writing about the war; I think that the assertation that the left has been silent about it is a bit of a canard.
Speaking of war in the Middle East, Terry Gross hosted an excellent program about the subject today on Fresh Air. She interviewed Georgetown Professor Daniel Byman, who provided a remarkably even-handed, and wonderfully edifying, view of the situation. It’s well worth a listen — Byman presents Middle Eastern history and politics in all of their multi-faceted complexity. He affirms certain points currently being trumpeted by American conservatives (such as the deep connections between Iran, Syria, and Hezbollah) who are calling for more war, but he also says that Israel’s response to the kidnapping of its soldiers was disproportionate (that was the point, he argues), and that an American or Israeli attack on Iran is likely to end badly.
If you listen, please let me know whether you agree that Byman’s views were non-partisan.
Two of my daily reads, Lance Mannion and Dan Rubin, wrote about MyHeritage.com, a site that uses facial recognition software to analyze your photos and tell you which celebrities you most resemble.
I thought the whole thing was a crock until I learned that I resemble Heath Ledger (62%), Johnny Depp (59%), River Phoenix (50%), and Michael Vartan (50%). I am now MyHeritage.com’s biggest fan, even if it also pulled up Alan Alda (58%), Dan Rather (57%), and (gasp) Steven Seagal (48%). Hey — any programmer worth her salt will tell you that every piece of software has its glitches. . .
Update: If you like the Dylan shows above, also check out Down in the Flood, a podcast series by Jason Chervokas. Chervokas also writes a very fine blog called Trickster.
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By Matt
posted in Books, Movies, Music, Television, Blogs, Internet, Technology, Celebrity and Celebrities, Links, mp3, War, Middle East
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10.13.05
I’m not much of an opera buff, but when I read this story, it definitely pricked my untrained ears.
There’s going to be an opera about the Tonya Harding-Nancy Kerrigan throwdown, and it evidently features an aria named “Why? Why? Why?” which is what Nancy apparently cried when she got whacked by that Gillooly character. Now what a brilliant idea.
Novelist Elizabeth Searle, who wrote the libretto (and who seems to have a bit of a Nancy Kerrigan fixation, because she also wrote a novella, “Celebrities in Disgrace,” about an aspiring actress who is trying out for the part of Kerrigan in a TV movie, and which is itself being made into a film, how very meta), says that America is “full of Tonyas who want to be Nancys,” which is really a fascinating way of summing up who we really are, and so my question to you is this:
Are you a Tonya, or are you a Nancy?
I’m rather afraid that I’m always somewhere en route between the two, and wishing there were a third choice.
Matt’s going to be so mad at me. I’m totally lowering the tone of this previously fine and respectable publication. Worst. Guest. Blogger. Ever.
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10.03.05
My friend Rod emailed to point out that I may have been overly hasty in suggesting that Bush nominated Iggy Pop for the Supreme Court.
Upon further review, Bush clearly nominated Ozzy.
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09.21.05
Too funny not to report:
Tyra Banks proves breasts are real on TV (AP)
NEW YORK - Talk about keeping it real: Tyra Banks underwent a televised sonogram on her new talk show to prove that her breasts aren’t fake.
“I’m tired of this rumor. It’s something that’s followed me forever,” the supermodel said Tuesday on “The Tyra Banks Show.”
After Banks asked the men in the audience to leave, Dr. Garth Fisher from ABC’s “Extreme Makeover” performed a touch test and then the sonogram. He concluded: “Tyra Banks has natural breasts; there are no implants.”
“By no means am I saying a breast implant is a bad thing, but it’s not a choice that I made,” the 31-year-old model said. “But it’s something that a lot of the public . . . think that I have, and that’s so frustrating for me.”
After the taping, Dr. Garth Fisher was taken to a local ER, where he was treated for permagrin.
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06.02.05
And I do mean on Oprah.
Since a Yahoo search for “Tom Cruise Oprah video” brings up The Tattered Coat as the fourth result (now there’s a claim to fame), I thought I would build on my previous posts on the topic (here, here, and here) by linking to a hilarious new version of the video. Enjoy.
(In case you missed it, here is TVGasm’s version)
Apparently, Katie Holmes is a better lay than L. Ron Hubbard.
(all photos captured by Defamer)
And for more celebrity fun, check out my post on The Passion of Waingro.
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05.26.05
All of my concerns about the nuclear option, John Bolton, Social Security, Iraq, ultra-conservative judges, army recruitment, and the price of gas melt away when I watch the unearthed video of Tom Cruise on Oprah.
Yes, my friends, on the seventh day, God invented Tivo, and it was good.
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05.24.05
Tom Cruise was on Oprah today, talking about how it feels to be dating twenty-six year old Katie Holmes.
Apparently, she’s a better lay than L. Ron Hubbard.
(via Pax; all photos captured by Defamer)
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