When the rapture comes you can have my ranch!

Now I told ya that we’re turnin’ the corner. If poor people can’t keep up, it’s not my problem.

Come any closer and I’ll tell Mommy.

“Now this here is my ass-wipin’ hand. I got a new education policy says ‘No Turd Left Behind’. Or Right Behind either. There’s gonna be no turds on my behind.”

Bravo Mr. Shakespeare, BRAVO!

“Call me irresponsible - call me unreliable
Throw in undependable too
Do my foolish alibis bore you
Well I’m not too clever - I just adore you

Call me unpredictable - tell me I’m impractical
Rainbows I’m inclined to pursue
Call me irresponsible - yes I’m unreliable
But it’s undeniably true - I’m irresponsibly mad for you”

“Oh, shit. Those Religious Right assholes promised me I’d go straight up to the Lord when the Rapture came, but none of us made it. Now they tell me the Bible says we’re gonna have a world of hurt down here with disasters and stuff. And I had to do like Big Time said and shitcan FEMA….”

Hey, I didn’t make up the saying that “New Orleans is the city that time/care forgot”. I’m only trying to be as inept and inarticulate as I can be, fella.

I think I may haf shit my pants Condi

“Goodnight Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are”

“They held the Rapture and nobody went…”

I understand that so trust me on this………

Now, I never said I was goin’ to help a bunch of undeservin’ poor people get out of harm’s way!

“It happened to me, and I’m gonna make darned sure it don’t happen to your’n!”