America loves a good game of cat and mouse. The tradition is long and storied: Tom and Jerry; Itchy and Scratchy; Ren and Stimpy; Sam and Diane; Nixon and The Washington Post.
That playful spirit and competitive desire is showcased in the hottest game sweeping the nation, Parse This!™, in which contestants attempt to decipher the opaque utterances of public figures.
In today’s edition, we confront the words of a man who often plays cat and mouse with the members of the White House Press corps. In fact, his very job depends on his ability to confound others with his verbal stews, his skill at cooking hard and pointy truths over low heat for so long that they fall right off the bone, becoming mushy globs of goo that can be swallowed easily by an infirm American public. He spins so hard and so fast that even he gets dizzy sometimes, and forgets that what he says is actually recorded, transcripted, and archived for the good of America’s children, that they might know, in the future, how their country fell apart in the first decade of the twenty-first century.
It looks like the Press is starting to figure it all out, but sometimes even they need a helping hand, a double super secret decoder ring, if you will.
And that’s where you, dear readers come in: it is my hope that you will succeed where others have failed, and that together, we will solve this mystery for once and for all.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: Scott McClellan
So, without further ado, let’s put on our favorite parsing headgear and
MR. McCLELLAN: Again, John, I appreciate the question. I know you want to get to the bottom of this. No one wants to get to the bottom of it more than the President of the United States. And I think the way to be most helpful is to not get into commenting on it while it is an ongoing investigation. That’s something that the people overseeing the investigation have expressed a preference that we follow. And that’s why we’re continuing to follow that approach and that policy.
7 Comments on "Parse This: Scott McClellan"
albert:
Ummm… errr…. ummmm….. errrr…. uhhhhhhh….
No comment.
Grace Scriptoids:
McClellan: Well, I think you can all appreciate the situation. The shit — which has now been forensically identified as White House shit — is about ready to hit the fan — the RPMs of which we have no control over. Thus, as a sanitary precaution, I am keeping my mouth shut until after the shit hits the fan and the fan is subsequently unplugged.
jess:
what’s the best way to reform your question into its own answer?..okay, here goes…
Suzy Shedd:
Well, I think you can all appreciate that, um, it’s part of my job to insist that we all want to get to the bottom, the president wants to get to the bottom of, um anything that needs getting to the bottom of, but um, of course I didn’t appreciate fully that MY, um bottom was going to be in a sling unless I, uh, obfuscated and covered Karl’s um, bottom, and the people running the investigation have stated firmly that they want us to stew in our own — uh, the products of our own, um, bottoms until they put someone’s bottom in one of those sling things, and then — um, could someone hand me the industrial-size roll of toilet paper here, PLEASE?
The BM Rant » Plamegate–Watch Scott Squirm:
[…] Bottom line–Rove gets fired, or our “principled” President puts a longstanding friendship over a matter of national security. Tattered Coat has more commentary–certainly worth a view. […]
Bob:
“I don’t want to get into commenting on things in the context of an ongoing investigation. So let me step back and point out that any individual who works here at the White House has the confidence of the President. Let me take another step back and say again, John, that I appreciate the question. Let me further state, while I take another step back, that I’ve finally reached the door and I’m outta here….”
jess:
here’s another gem:
>>>>>
Q: But Rove has apparently commented, through his lawyer, that he was definitely involved.
A: You’re asking me to comment on an ongoing investigation.
Q: I’m saying, why did you stand there and say he was not involved?
A: Again, while there is an ongoing investigation, I’m not going to be commenting on it nor is … .
Q: Any remorse?
A: Nor is the White House, because the president wanted us to cooperate fully with the investigation, and that’s what we’re doing.
Comments