“My girlfriend said she liked the ’stache so I shaved it off. But really, I respect my girlfriend. I know I’ve called her a worthless slut in the past, but I acknowledge the necessity of marriage to society and respect the institution. If my appointment as her husband is confirmed, I believe I can represent my interests well.”

Tom DeLay’s gluteus maximus pinched it off.

“You should see what I look like without the toupee.”

“Does this bald lip make my chins look bigger?”

They’ll LOVE me in New York.,

I felt it was imperative to remove the confusion between my deeply-held attitudes and my facial hair.

I was the walrus, coo coo kee choo

That chafing around my upper lip area has nothing, I repeat NOTHING, to do with Tom Cruise. U.N. SUCKS.