So I’m not going to get into the whole Michael Jackson thing very much. It is what it is. And it will be what it will be. But when I read, and almost missed, the reference to Mr. Jackson’s “friend and personal magician,” I had to stop and ponder its ramifications for a few minutes. Can you even begin to imagine what it would be like to have your own personal magician? Do you think other celebrities and notables have them? Like, for example, does Ashton Kutcher also have a personal magician? Probably. Or how about, say, Oprah or Melissa Etheridge? Maybe. Dick Cheney? Probably not, although I can well believe that he might have his own personal jester, but that’s a whole other thread right there. I think it would be most awesome to have my own personal magician. I want one so bad. I would say, “Hey, Majestic, give me some magic, right now.” And Majestic Magnificent would have to stop what he was doing (whether he might be polishing his wand or ironing his cape or some other magic maintenance-related activity) and come up with some magic right there on the spot, ready or not. And if he forgot to say the magic word, I would drum my fingers and say, “Aren’t we forgetting something, Mister Magnificent, if that is indeed your real name?” And he would say, “Begging your pardon, Sire. SHAZAM!!!” And then I would say, “Now that’s more like it. You may be excused. But remember, MM, I may be requiring your magical services AT ANY MOMENT, SO BE PREPARED. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” And then I would dismiss him with a wave of my hand.

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