In my first live-blogging event, I’m going to update this post throughout the Oscar broadcast tonight. Please feel free to pipe in with comments during the show to share the experience.

7:38: Babs cryfest check-in: a promo for an ABC show called “Grey’s Anatomy” uses “Such Great Heights,” by The Postal Service, as background music. Apparently, somone at ABC has good taste.

7:46: Promohthree is also doing some live blogging.

7:57: Am I really watching Barbara Walters sway her shoulders to Jaime Fox’s hip-hop stylings? God save us all.

8:05: My lord, Halle Berry is beautiful. If only she could act.

8:08: I haven’t seen Kinsey, but Laura Linney put in one of my favorite performances ever in You Can Count On Me. If you haven’t seen it, you must, you must.

8:20: Yo Spike! This dude wants his fez back!

8:26: Tom Hanks wins ABC’s poll for “Best Acceptance Speech” for the words he spoke after winning for “Philadelphia.” I guess all the fag-hating Bush voters forgot to call in…

8:34: Chris Rock says “asses” two seconds into the broadcast. Where are the indecency police?

8:40: Chris Rock doing some serious Bush bashing. Watch out for the sharpshooter in the left balcony, Chris.

9:05: I had no idea Beyoncé spoke French. That accounts for that é in her name, though. Viens ici, ma petite cherie.

9:15: Who does the dresses for the Sci/Tech awards? Oh wait, there are only tuxes at the Sci/Tech awards.

9:18: It looks like they’re bringing nominees for the non-marquee awards (fashion design, art direction, etc.) out onto the stage before they announce the winner. Not only are they saying, “we don’t want to waste time waiting for you to make your way to the stage,” they’re also saying, “you have no dignity, and we will all laugh at you as you are publicly shamed.”

9:22: Sophie Okonedo is so cute. what dimples!

9:30: Can I, as a straight man, say that Kirsten Dunst’s dress is fabulous? Just checking.

9:43: Who wrote this Chris Rock/Adam Sandler dialogue? It’s about as funny as Little Nicky.

10:04: Grand piano alert. Schlock ahead.

10:05: Andrew Lloyd Webber alert. Insane schlock ahead.

10:06: Did I just see a statue of a monkey holding cymbals? My God, has it really come to this?

10:09: Chris Rock introduces Jeremy Irons as a “Comedy Superstar. ” He was hilarious in Dead Ringers.

10:15: Robert Richardson leans in for a second kiss with Kate Winslet. She says, under her breath, “oh, that’s two.” That’s right, dolly, you’ve just been been double-smootched by the silver-maned cinematographer of LOOOOVE!

10:28: Antonio Banderas sings in spanish! Where the hell is JLo?

10:30: Carlos Santana–do you have enough gum to share with everyone in the audience, young man?

10:38: Chris Rock says that next year they’ll give out Oscars in the parking lot.

10:42: Why does Johnny Depp look like he just walked off the set of Captain Kangaroo?

10:43: Wow–those reels of film crumbling into dust make me want to cry. Hold on–those were just Star Jones’ rouge tins.

10:50: I had no idea that Five Easy Pieces, one of my favorite movies, was co-written by a woman (Carole Eastman, who died this year). Sort of throws the criticism those who accuse it of being misogynist into a different–or at least more complex–light.

10:58: Don’t even think about macking on Beyoncé, Josh Grobin. Jay-Z’s in the audience, and he’ll fuck your perm up!

11:17: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind wins best screenplay. Charlie Kaufman wins for Best Hair.

11:21: Commercial for Their Eyes Were Watching God: was soft-core porn what Zora Neale Hurston really had in mind?

11:23: Go Don Cheadle!

11:26: Jaime Fox wins. Who, besides Mike Tyson, gets a tribal tattoo on his head?

11:26: How many fezzes can YOU find in the audience?

11:33: Clint Eastwood wins Best Director. Poor Martin Scorcese. Clint’s mother looks very happy, though.

11:35: Thanks for sharing the Oscars with me. In closing, I’d like to join Julia Roberts in wishing Marva a very happy birthday.

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note: In the spirit of live-blogging (well, really because I don’t have Tivo), I have tried not to gussy this up too much the next morning–cosmetic edits only.

Check out Liveblogging.org for other live blogs of the Oscars. Especially fun were Gothamist and Defamer.

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