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Stuff It

Although its profile was raised by the Eagles’ Super Bowl run, many people outside of Philly probably don’t know about Wingbowl, a competitive eating marathon that is the city’s most outrageous sporting event. Set up before the Andy Reid/McNabb/T.O. era, the Wingbowl was designed to give Philadelphians something to cheer about in late January.

This year, South Jersey truck driver Bill “El Wingador” Simmons won the event by devouring 162 wings. Amid cheers, jeers, and thrown beers, El Wingador successfully “chewed his way back to the throne”, a year after losing the title to the 99-pound “Black Widow,” Sonya Thomas (click here for videos or photos). The day was marked, unfortunately, by an undercurrent of racism and xenophobia, as the raucous crowd hurled racial epithets at Thomas.

Eric Booker

Competitive eating is on the rise. The “sport” has an official governing organization, The International Federation of Competitive Eating, and monthly events range from GoldenPalace.com’s “Grilled Cheese-Eating Championship” to Tropicana’s “World Meatball Eating Championship” to Harrah’s “World Toasted Ravioli Eating Championship.”

The best piece of writing on competitive eating that I’ve seen comes from Topic Magazine (thanks to priceyeah of Bored and Rural Poor for the link). In Stuff Your Face, a competitive eater named Crazy Legs Conti (is that not the best name ever?) describes his ascension through the ranks of competitive eaters, and his quest to swallow thirty-four dozen oysters in one sitting. Here is a choice passage:

I finished 30 dozen by halftime, but the bivalves were fighting back. While my upper body was shaking slightly, my legs had seceded from my body, thrashing under the table, bouncing every direction off the stool. I had been drinking a little water, but Norman told me to stop. I requested a cup of coffee, which I mostly sipped for warmth. It was as if my body had assumed the icy depths of the ocean, welcoming the mollusks back into the womb. My swollen and distended belly made my Hawaiian shirt rise up above my bellybutton (which at 33 dozen officially went, with a brief pop, from an “innie” to an “outie”).

Punch-drunk on oysters, toasted ravioli, or hot dogs, competitive eaters must stay in “shape” to practice their chosen avocation. Many develop specialties and sub-specialties; in addition to eating 53 1/2 hot dogs and buns in fifteen minutes, Nathan’s Hot Dog champ Takeru Kobayashi has swallowed 17.7 pounds of cow brains in fifteen minutes. Sonya Thomas ate 65 hard-boiled eggs in six minutes, forty seconds; she also ate 7 3/4 pounds of Turducken in twelve minutes for the Turducken.com Thanksgiving Dinner contest. Eric Booker (pictured above) seems to specialize in Jewish delicacies, holding records for both matzo balls and hamentaschen.

The list of records on the IFOCE’s website is enough to make you fear for the future of our children. Unless, that is, the competitive eaters have already eaten our children.